As part of therapy, i'm posting the most recent pictures.
it's hard to know i'm back to this body, but it feels rather good.

never thought i'd say that.


i have to learn to accept my body how it is & try to shape it in a healthy way

I've been wanting to come on LJ and post but i've been afraid that it would trigger me.

I've been in recovery since January, I went from 70 lbs to my healthy weight.
its been hard & its a bumpy road.. but things start falling into place. when you feed your body you start thinking clearer, you start GROWING UP. you really mature a lot, you see things differently, you start confronting your biggest fears, you start being happier, feeling better, you sleep, your body doesn't ache... your nails grow back, your hair stops falling, people start complementing you, you start getting to know how you're really supposed to look like.
it was scary, but things get easier.. its like magic.
I am planning my trip to Europe, going to Geneva- Switzerland, Rome, Florence-Italy, Paris-France, Amsterdam & Berlin! Noemie, my fav. french prof will be in paris as part of teh program & will join me & my friend in Switzerland too!

I have started living life again.
Im trying to decide my career... doing psychology, or get my certification to be a Physician Assistant.. that would only require 2 yrs after i get my bachelors, i would earn the same as i would by getting a PhD in psychology spending 5 more yrs.... idk what to do.
i have been working out everyday. it helps tremendously with anxiety & just making you feel & look better over all.
i even have a butt now. i never had a butt even before my ED!
I'm still in therapy, i still struggle.. but there is hope.

i hope everyone is ok.
please know that it is possible & you dont have to wanna do it.
you just have to say "fuck it. im sick of this" & take a blind leap of faith & stop acting upon your thoughts.
take care,

Luisa

i still smoke pot daily....

i try not to come to LJ bc it's triggering.
so I apologize for not reading posts.


i've been doing ok.
not as good as i was at the begining, but im still fighting.
it's hard, dude. but i know its not impossible.
the first couple of days gave me a taste of life. 
it was amazing!

 but, bulimia scares the shit out of me.

it's making all this 100x harder.

wish me luck.

i'll be  away for a while.

this past mon (jan, 14) i decided to give recovery a chance. I have nothing to lose.
I've been eating almost-normal...mostly salads, but ive been eating them with chicken & cheese...dressing. i have even been eati ng bagels!!!!!
anyway, my body has been freaking out.
very constipated. bloated. swollen. retaining fluids. sore.... but its worth a try.
every day is a battle, but it gets easier by the minute.
i can tell a difference already...
ive been happier, more energy, sleep better.
i do miss the comfort of seeing my bones gave me, BUT THIS IS REALLY WAYYYYY BETTER.
never thought it could happen.

i just gotta keep on fighting.
im not setting foot on the scale.

there is the letting go.
there is so much out there, i can taste it!!!

im high.
today i was released from teh hospital.his
mental hosital, section 3 (the ones with all the schizophrenics (sp), major bipolars & just insane people.
i was baker acted on thurs. by my psychiatris.
the police made em get off teh bus one my way home.

it was hell.

no insurance......... i owe over 6000.
just the stress tat i needed to cure my eating disorder.

missed 2 days of work. i still need to pay my car.
i have an appt with the psychiatrist who baker acted me.

my parents think from now on, i'll be ok. tat thsi cured me.

i dont know what to do/think anymore.
t

well im really pissed off right now.
and i love how many ppl actually comment on my entries.
oh well what do i expect, im a little pathetic bitch,
im still home, ive purged like 4/5 times per day since ive been here./.. actually, the side of my mouth is really fucked up & my throat is so swollen and sore.
im going back to tally tomorrow. not looking forward to that drive. n8 fucking hrs. arg.

so, neededless to say, im fucking fatl. like HUGE. like the biggest ive been in a while. :[ i wont even go to the fucking scale.
adam just had teh nerve to invite me to his house, and the girl he wants me to talk to is there.
im really mad.
i'd have to go to my house, steal my moms keys and drive 30 mins and then get back to the house, and drop teh keys and the blhablha.... 
i dont know if i wanna go see him with her.
they are fucking going out.
ytresvbhjjh

i dont wanna go like this, specially looking this fat :[
fuck.

My intake yesterday:

A bagel.
adderall.
beer & got fucking wasted. i got sick. 

im lossing weight :]